That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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