I wish I could punch you in the face.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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