no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
