Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
