Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize