I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
