We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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