My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
