I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
