your thong is hanging out like whoa
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
