1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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