I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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