He is such a slut. More and more my type.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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