In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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