Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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