Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
