Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
