Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize