He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
