im having a threesome with these popsicles
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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