sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
