She's JV to your varsity
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
