She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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