There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
