just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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