I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
