That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
