dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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