Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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