You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
