there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
