Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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