last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize