Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
