If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I could make wine with my vomit
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
All I want is dick and wine.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
