He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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