Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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