just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
