First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Can I color on your dick again?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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