Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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