We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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