I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
