no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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