I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
