i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
