Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
