i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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