did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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