Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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