guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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