We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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