Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
