whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
