i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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