please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
A+ Viking dick
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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