It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
