You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he really is such a sweet guy. itβs a shame i have to break his heart.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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