Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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