We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
