Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
