i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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