I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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