Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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