i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just want nice things and good sex
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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