Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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