so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
