Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
